Feels discouraging

I do feel discouraging, especially recently. I have been doing well ever since I was promoted last year. And this started in July. I am not sure what is happening to me. Why am i distracted? Why am i so unfocused? What is really happening to me?

I was told that my English Language proficiency is not very good. In fact, I am consider 1 of the worst and it is a language barrier to me in work. (BAM!! a punch to in my face) Although I know that I am not that proficient in my English Language, but to be told this way it is really bad. And I mean really really bad. Worse than what I think it is. To work on my English, I started to read more English reading materials - Novels, Non-Fictions, Straits Time, Business Times etc etc. Not sure if it works, but hopefully it does. I have to admit that my verbs and adjectives are really limited. My sentence structures are still of the lower level.

I am not a meticulous person by nature. Maybe because I am very "chin chai". When I was promoted, I did not really see my weakness. When all the stuff start to happen, my eyes are really open to my weaknesses and it is taking a toll on my work performance. This is the part that is adding on to my discouraging mood. All the colleagues who are working with me seems to be more meticulous and perform better than me. Am I really not cut out for higher level work? Am I just suitable for lower level work? I have a very bad feeling that my performance grading come April will be very bad. Its either "G" or "S". *cry* I cannot let that happen!! This will affect the amount of PB I will be getting in July and it is really not good!!

I used to have a goal when i started in this company. That is to be promoted to higher level and get good PB in July. It really motivated me in my work and I manage to achieve both although I know that I still have work harder to achieve higher PB. The 1st yr after my promotion went smoothly, and then recently, my work performance really dipped! And I do not feel motivated anymore! Why!!!!

Back to me being not a meticulous person by nature. Knowing that this is my weakness, I have been trying to check through my work before I send out but i still make mistakes. And worst of all, I have been making mistakes on a weekly basis that my manager is about to give up on me. *cry* She said that all the mistakes are silly mistakes and avoidable but I am making the mistakes and it should not be so. *cringe* I know .. I really know...

HOW to be more effective in work. I try to always do things right at the 1st time. I tried to focus on work. I even tried to make a new goal and directions so that i will not be lost. But i am still making mistakes and these mistakes are avoidable as per my manager.

Sometimes, i really feel like giving up and look for a new job. But i know that if i do not "solve" these issues, I will bring these problems to my new job and the same thing will happen again. Maybe even worse.I cannot just give up and look for new job. I have to look within myself to find the problems and solve the problems. And also, i really feel bad that my manager is stressing out and giving up with all my mistakes and problems i created. She is even thinking of quitting. This is really bad. Bad of me to do this to her. :(

XOXO

Love Cafe

It's been a long time!

Yes, it has been a long time. Since August, it has been 3 months. During this 3 months, a lot of things happen. I won't reply what happened but moving forward, I am trying to set a new goals and be more focus. (Hmmm.. sounds familiar. I have been telling myself alot of time of the same thing. And I really need to get it done)

Anyway, my application to UNISIM failed. I was not shortlisted. I suspected it could be because my Diploma is a express Diploma. I only spent 1 year to finish and it is not that recognizable with UNISIM. I was told to take SATs Exams and with the result to re-apply for UNISIM again. *Keep my fingers crossed* I have signed up for SATs Exam but i have not started on the revision and the exams are in January next year.

I am going to Korea in 1.5 months time!!! So excited. Its feels like I am going home after so long. :P And when I am back in Singapore, it will be CNY in 2 weeks time! Hahah...

I explore alot of business opportunities. I mentioned in my previous blog, that I venture into accessories business with Xtyne and we have rented a box in Toys OutPost to display our merchandises. However, our account keep seeing red. It has been 3 months and we have not see any profit. I know that to see profit in a business is not immediately and need to be patient and wait. Some will see profit in 3 months time, some in 1 year time and some never until business close. I hope we see our profit latest in 1 year time. But I do not have the capital to sustain for so long. I need to venture into other stuffs and I hope to bring in profit to cover my other area. If the business keep seeing red after 1 year, I will want to back out from that business. I will just take it that I have failed in that business (well, it is true that I have failed in that if I keep seeing red and no profit. What am i talking!)

XOXO,

Love Cafe