Superior and Subordinate Relationship

How close are you with your boss? How is your working relationship with your boss? I'm sure alot of people will ask. So I will ask myself: How close am i with my boss? How is my working relationship with my boss? I have alot of things running in my head and mind but i am unable to blog down what i really want to say.

Recently I was asked if I am suffering from mild depression? I'm having trouble in my work and my quality of work was horrible, and I actually tears in-front of my boss which was totally not me. Guess that prompted my boss to pose the 'mild depression' question to me. She asked if I am having problem in personal life which is affecting me and my work. I am unsure if I am suffering from mild depression or not. But I know I am not my own self for the past few months. At least, in work, i am getting into trouble almost every week. That's how bad I am.

I lost confidence from the day i was told my English proficiency is bad. And from the fear of saying the wrong thing, using the wrong English words etc, I fared even worse. I am incoherent in my speech, unable to bring my points across. My boss keep having to correct my tenses, adjectives, verbs etc that I was even more hesitant to talk to my boss or in-front of her. The new staff who joined us are very proficiency in their English. This has make me cowered more into a corner and afraid to stand out. More ever, my mistakes seems to shine more in-front of them and my manager.

All these pressures from work and diminishing self confidence added more pressure and burden on me. I was at a point where i almost tender without a job. But I cannot afford to. Sigh.......

I realised that bad quality output of work not only affected myself, in a way, it will affect my boss too and sometimes my colleagues. My boss was under alot of pressure and stress. Mostly from her boss and partly from herself. With the type of boss she is having, and an uncooperative staff like me, its no wonder she is frustrated and fed-up and would want to quit. I have been there (the impulse to quit) and i know how it feels. I pity her but I am part of the source which contribute to her impulse.

She has been covering for us so much that she is unable to do her work. And her boss was questioning why is she so unproductive. Not her fault for being a good boss, trying to guide and cover her subordinate. But i shouldn't add on to her pressure and frustration.

After the talk with my boss yesterday, I guess i finally liberated myself from my negativity, although there are still some left over which i am trying to ditch. But i definitely feels better and able to work on my piece with more ease. Maybe by facing my problems, and also i was fed-up with my cowering and the pressure that was accumulating in me that i just give up and face whatever comes my way.

I am being incoherent again, i guess. But i just want to get whatever in me out so that i can work with more ease and blockage free.

XOXO,

Love Cafe

Festive Mood

Christmas is just around the corner. Alot of people are looking forward to it, esp the couples who will be spending the magical day together, basking in the joy together with so many other couples. I guess Christmas is the only festival, besides Valentine's Day, that almost all the couples are looking toward spending the day with their love ones. 

For me, it is just like any other festivals. Nothing special, no one special to spend the day with (except my family :) but they have their own activities so we are likely to be spending half the day together only). For the past 34 years, it has always been like that. Maybe I am meant to spend the festival alone.

Yesterday, when I met up with one of my best friends from school, we were talking about how alot of our friends are married and some with kid(s). She asked me if I have anyone in the love department. My answer to her is as usual. No one! haha... The reason i gave is no one likes me. No one wants to date me. 

I never have luck with guys. The only guy that I ever dated is a guy from Portugal and we have never even met before in reality. You may call it long distance relations and it was a virtual long distance relation. It ended very abruptly although i continued (one sided) for around a few years before i decided to call it quit. Its along story and in a way, that relationship kinda decided for me that I am not that keen to be looking for that someone in the love department. 

I do look forward to have a relationship with someone. Someone I can love and cuddle with. Esp with the weather nowadays (i practically have been singing "Rain Rain go away..."). But i guess i am not meant to be with someone.

With Christmas just around the corner, alot of couples are looking forward to spend the magical day with their love ones. As for me, I am looking forward to sleep in and enjoy the day in a relax mood before my 1st vacation in year 2014. :)

XOXO

Love Cafe

Feels discouraging

I do feel discouraging, especially recently. I have been doing well ever since I was promoted last year. And this started in July. I am not sure what is happening to me. Why am i distracted? Why am i so unfocused? What is really happening to me?

I was told that my English Language proficiency is not very good. In fact, I am consider 1 of the worst and it is a language barrier to me in work. (BAM!! a punch to in my face) Although I know that I am not that proficient in my English Language, but to be told this way it is really bad. And I mean really really bad. Worse than what I think it is. To work on my English, I started to read more English reading materials - Novels, Non-Fictions, Straits Time, Business Times etc etc. Not sure if it works, but hopefully it does. I have to admit that my verbs and adjectives are really limited. My sentence structures are still of the lower level.

I am not a meticulous person by nature. Maybe because I am very "chin chai". When I was promoted, I did not really see my weakness. When all the stuff start to happen, my eyes are really open to my weaknesses and it is taking a toll on my work performance. This is the part that is adding on to my discouraging mood. All the colleagues who are working with me seems to be more meticulous and perform better than me. Am I really not cut out for higher level work? Am I just suitable for lower level work? I have a very bad feeling that my performance grading come April will be very bad. Its either "G" or "S". *cry* I cannot let that happen!! This will affect the amount of PB I will be getting in July and it is really not good!!

I used to have a goal when i started in this company. That is to be promoted to higher level and get good PB in July. It really motivated me in my work and I manage to achieve both although I know that I still have work harder to achieve higher PB. The 1st yr after my promotion went smoothly, and then recently, my work performance really dipped! And I do not feel motivated anymore! Why!!!!

Back to me being not a meticulous person by nature. Knowing that this is my weakness, I have been trying to check through my work before I send out but i still make mistakes. And worst of all, I have been making mistakes on a weekly basis that my manager is about to give up on me. *cry* She said that all the mistakes are silly mistakes and avoidable but I am making the mistakes and it should not be so. *cringe* I know .. I really know...

HOW to be more effective in work. I try to always do things right at the 1st time. I tried to focus on work. I even tried to make a new goal and directions so that i will not be lost. But i am still making mistakes and these mistakes are avoidable as per my manager.

Sometimes, i really feel like giving up and look for a new job. But i know that if i do not "solve" these issues, I will bring these problems to my new job and the same thing will happen again. Maybe even worse.I cannot just give up and look for new job. I have to look within myself to find the problems and solve the problems. And also, i really feel bad that my manager is stressing out and giving up with all my mistakes and problems i created. She is even thinking of quitting. This is really bad. Bad of me to do this to her. :(

XOXO

Love Cafe

It's been a long time!

Yes, it has been a long time. Since August, it has been 3 months. During this 3 months, a lot of things happen. I won't reply what happened but moving forward, I am trying to set a new goals and be more focus. (Hmmm.. sounds familiar. I have been telling myself alot of time of the same thing. And I really need to get it done)

Anyway, my application to UNISIM failed. I was not shortlisted. I suspected it could be because my Diploma is a express Diploma. I only spent 1 year to finish and it is not that recognizable with UNISIM. I was told to take SATs Exams and with the result to re-apply for UNISIM again. *Keep my fingers crossed* I have signed up for SATs Exam but i have not started on the revision and the exams are in January next year.

I am going to Korea in 1.5 months time!!! So excited. Its feels like I am going home after so long. :P And when I am back in Singapore, it will be CNY in 2 weeks time! Hahah...

I explore alot of business opportunities. I mentioned in my previous blog, that I venture into accessories business with Xtyne and we have rented a box in Toys OutPost to display our merchandises. However, our account keep seeing red. It has been 3 months and we have not see any profit. I know that to see profit in a business is not immediately and need to be patient and wait. Some will see profit in 3 months time, some in 1 year time and some never until business close. I hope we see our profit latest in 1 year time. But I do not have the capital to sustain for so long. I need to venture into other stuffs and I hope to bring in profit to cover my other area. If the business keep seeing red after 1 year, I will want to back out from that business. I will just take it that I have failed in that business (well, it is true that I have failed in that if I keep seeing red and no profit. What am i talking!)

XOXO,

Love Cafe

안녕하새요 !! (Hello in Korea)

Its been so long since I write in this blog. Kinda busy with work and I just came back from a trip to Bangkok. Although I have just came back from a trip but I am looking forward to my next Jan trip to Korea!! ^^

1st of all, I have signed up for a Bachelor course at UniSim and I am now waiting for their shortlisting and confirmation. Hopefully I will get shortlisted for the course. Kind of excited to be able to start studying but unsure if I can juggle with both work and study.

2ndly, I have started to help Naz on managing Securix (again!!). Of course, this time round is with payment. Which means I am part timing there now and getting paid. But of course, will not be immediately. Will have to wait till money starts to roll in when Securix has 21 men.

3rdly, Xtyne and I have started a small business online. We rented a display box with Toy OutPost and sell hair accessories. We have our source and this is to test the market. Just hope that the items will move and we will profit instead of seeing the red.

We are now at Toy OutPost @ Vivocity!!

The picture is exactly the display we set up. The deco is done by Xtyne and I am impressed. But I must say the display deco is really not Xtyne and she really did a good job! We are rolling series by series, hopefully the demand is there to cover all costs. :)

4thly, Asta said that she want to back out from the baby apparels business. I have to admit that I am both disappointed and sad as the idea of selling baby apparels came from her and she was the one who guaranteed that there is a demand market for this. The fault partly lies with me. I trusted her and take her word for it, so I did not do my homework and do a market survey. :( When we bought back the products from our sources, there were no communications. I realised that Asta is not one who will communicate. She does things her ways and only inform or communicate when someone push her or probe her. -.-||| It is hard this way. NO one knows what is going on and will think nothing is being done. Well, at least for me, this is what i think. The email account, the FB account, FB page and even the blogspot.com website is done up. Short of putting up the photos of the products to start selling. 

Photos are taken by Asta and she did her part. But I keep having the feelings that the photos are not done good enough. Maybe I have higher expectations? But as a much better photographer than me, the photos taken by her for displaying are not up to my expectations from her. I expect better from her. 

I have discuss with Xtyne as she is the 3rd partner (but she is not so keen on the baby apparels) and both of us agree that I will buy over the remaining inventories and then continue on my own which I am going to do so.

And lastly, I have also starting to look at handmade jewelry. A few ideas have formed and I am looking at suppliers of raw materials. Once done, I can start to make and sell. :)

Seems like I embark on quite a number of money making scheme. But all these require concentration, commitment and capital (both time and financial). I need to tell myself to be more discipline instead of just 3 mins craze for the stuff. Have to be more patient. 

XOXO

Love Cafe

Sunny to Gloomy

The day has started off great for me. And I have told myself that I will strive and work harder today. But every good thing comes to an end too soon. :(

As my job requires, I need to liaise with the line managers to assist them as partner. I guess I was not clear in my email to the line manager and she has gone ahead to commit to the visitor on the payment figure. :( When I spoke to her this morning, i came clear saying that it is not our practice to double the payment just because he has to spend double the time and effort in his teaching this year. From her tone of voice, she became unhappy and I can understand as the payment involves a 5-figures amount in USD. Of course, I was given a reprimanding from her (not an actual reprimand reprimand but a stern feedback from her) which makes me feel very guilty. I guess I need to email her a sincere apology and need a dose of laughter from my Korean variety show, Muhan Doujuan (Infinity Challenge) to cheer myself up.

Although I will not let this incident pull my morale down but I will keep this in mind as a reminder that I have to be more specific in my email and request so that it will not be a miscommunication from my part and make grievous mistakes due to this.

At least, now I feel better after writing this down and become clearer in what I should do. Sigh. Aja Aja Fighting!

P/S: Have a feeling she will not be taking anymore of my calls for today.

XOXO

Love Cafe

Almost as good as individual tutoring

Singapore is a nation where coaching and tuition are part and parcel of a child's education. There are more than 500 tuition centres and Singaporeans reportedly spend more than S$800 million a year on tuition. But does this work? Are there alternatives?

Well-known education psychologist Benjamin Bloom, in a now-classic report with his doctoral students showed that when students are individually coached and tutored, they perform much better (by 98 percent, on average)than those who received regular classroom instruction.

This is a significant and striking observation that gets to the heart of learning. The implication is that it is possible to greatly extend and improve learning beyond traditional classroom lectures, and that under the right circumstances, most students have the potential to perform at a very high level.

One important point to note is that much of current education focuses on how students do under a system of teaching (usually lectures), by grading and ranking their performance on tests. Students who receive coaching can be expected to do better than their peers.

But in the context of medicine - and I would dare say for most other professions - the goal of learning is competence, not one's relative ranking. In a medical school like ours, the focus is not just on grading a student but on getting them competent to practice medicine; it matters little that they perform better than their peers if they do no achieve competence.

Mentoring within a team

Medical students learn best when they are part of the clinical environment and are, therefore, individually mentored and tutored. to do that, we place students in clinical care teams - that is, teams of doctors and nurses who take care of patients. The students get to watch and learn both the science and art of medicine.

They begin to pick up the culture as well as the knowledge, but also critically, the application of knowledge in diagnosing and managing patients. They also learn bedside manners, how to elicit the history and nature of patient complaints and problems, technical skills in performing patient examinations; as well as critical thinking skills in ordering and interpreting tests and then using this information to diagnose, treat and manage the patient.

They also learn how to communicate and educate patients and families. They learn how to work with their team in a manner which optimally serves the patient's interests. The learning happens not only from the main physician or consultant on the team but also, more usually, from fellow members, senior students, house officers, resident physicians, registrars and nurses.

This kind of learning is more than individual tutoring; it includes a fair amount of mentoring by being part of a team managing patients.

Clearly, this form of environment for learning, with major individualization, works for medical school learning. But can it be applied to small class sizes and in other settings? Could we scale this type of learning? If so, how?

credit source: Today - K Ranga Krishnan

K Ranga Krishnan is Dean of the Duke-NUS Graduate Medical School of Singapore. A clinician-scientist and psychiatrist, he chaired the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioural Sciences at Duke University Medical Centre from 1998 to 2009.

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After reading the article, I have alot of thoughts going through my mind. But with interruptions and disturbances from external, the thoughts manage to evade me and until now, when I start to pen down my thoughts, there are nothing left to ponder about -.-|||

XOXO

Love Cafe

Love Kafe

I have several blogs and after some time of updating the blogs, I will change my blog again.. Don't ask me why. I think the reason could be that I have updated some past entries which I think I should not and instead of removing the entries, I blocked the whole blog. Yes, I blocked the whole blog. ^^||| hahaha

Anyway, I decided to start a new one so that i can start a new blog. Hopefully I can keep this blog for long.. hehehe

One of my old blog was named Love Cafe and I can't use that for my new blog so I use Love Kafe. But I will sign off as Love Cafe as what I always do with my old blogs. So for those who has read my old blog, I guess you will find my sign off abit familiar. ^^

XOXO

Love Cafe